The Liberal Application of Tequila
by Saral Hylor
Summary: Jensen is acting weird (well weirder) and secretive in the kitchen. Cougar has no idea what is going on. Chaos follows in typical Jensen fashion. And, well, good thing there aren't too many problems that can't be solved with the liberal application of tequila.


For Cougar'sCatnip. This was a challenge fic she gave me for Cinco de Mayo. It had to feature tamales, tequila a pinata and a colourful poncho. I kinda ran away with it, and this is waht it ended up being.

Hope you enjoy!

Originally posted on A03

* * *

It was neither the weirdest or most compromising situation that Cougar had found Jensen in – after all there had been that time when Cougar had walked in on Jensen handcuffed to the bed wearing only a pirate hat (now that had been hard to resist, but Cougar had managed) – but he had to admit, it was still pretty odd.

He'd only just walked in the kitchen door when Jensen came barreling across the room, he tripped over a chair and fell onto the table, knocking whatever was on it onto the floor. Cougar didn't have a chance to see what it was before the hacker was up again and slamming the kitchen door in the sniper's face.

"No, bad kitty. You're ruining the surprise!" Jensen's muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

Cougar stared at the door for a moment, trying to figure out what had happened. He could still hear the younger man muttering away to himself in the kitchen. It certainly wasn't natural to see Jensen in the kitchen, and it was even stranger for him to not want the sniper around.

Just as Cougar went to turn away that he heard a rather pitiful wail resonate from within the kitchen. Then there was the distinct smell of something burning – Cougar wasn't entirely sure that it was intended to be edible in the first place.

The sniper tapped his knuckles sharply on the door, other hand already on the door handle. "Jake?"

There was a resounding crash, a startled squawk and what sounded like something being thrown across the room.

"No, Cougs, don't come in! You'll ruin the surprise!" Jensen pleaded desperately. "I'm managing to do that well enough by myself."

The tech sounded so down on himself that Cougar almost disregarded the denial of entry, just to make sure his friend was okay. He settled for tapping again. "Jake, you okay?"

The door was suddenly wrenched open a very red-faced and bashful looking hacker blocking the view of the kitchen. There was soot smudged on his cheek, glasses in desperate need of cleaning. The temptation to pluck them off his nose and wipe away the smears was suppressed only by the fact that Cougar was thoroughly distracted by the fact that the blonde was now shirtless. The hot pink and blue tee shirt he'd been wearing earlier was draped, unceremoniously, over one shoulder, grubby and not nearly as vibrant as before.

Tearing his eyes away from Jensen's naked torso – he had to remind himself that he'd seen it plenty of times before, it was no big deal – Cougar met the hacker's eyes, quirking and eyebrow in question.

"Let's just turn away from the kitchen, and walk the other way, hey Cougs? Nothing to see here! Just walk away." Jensen was giving him his best 'I'm innocent' smile; it was the one that meant he most definitely wasn't, and some disaster was likely to follow if it hadn't already occurred.

The sniper leant casually to one side, peering around the other man's shoulder; Jensen leant with him. The techie mirrored every move he made, effectively blocking his view of the kitchen until Cougar had had enough; he reached out, grabbed the younger man's hips, and moved a rather stunned Jensen out of the way.

The kitchen was in rather a state of disorder; it looked as though cyclone Jensen had struck. Scratch that, it looked like multiple natural disasters all at once, with a heavy undertone of bush fire. It looked as though Jake had done his best to clean up; dishes were dumped in the sink, there were only traces that stuff had fallen on the floor, and it appeared that everything had been unceremoniously deposited in the rubbish bin. The heavy burnt smell hung in the air, though all the windows had been opened to counteract that.

"_Qué está pasando?_" Cougar queried, leaning into the room for a better look. He couldn't deduce what had taken place just by looking. It appeared as though Jensen had attempted to cook, but they all knew that was a bad idea. It wasn't until the hacker's nervous shuffling dislodged the tee shirt from his shoulder that Cougar noticed that one of his hands was still resting on Jensen's hip. He snatched it away quickly, deliberately not looking at the younger man.

Jensen fidgeted again, bending over to pick up his tee shirt – and Cougar was definitely not looking at the way that his back muscles shifted under his skin – straightening up again, he gave the older man a sheepish smile.

"I was trying to cook. For you. But, as you can see, my grand plans of wooing your with food didn't amount to much." The tech grinned like a mad man, but he wouldn't meet the snipers gaze, and there was a slightly suspicious blush across the bridge of his nose that Cougar was pretty sure was only there when Jensen was in fact trying to 'woo' someone.

"_Por qué?_" He glanced around the kitchen again, still unable to determine what Jensen had been attempting to do.

"For Cinco de Mayo." Jensen replied, in a tone that says it should be obvious. "Last year you mentioned that you missed celebrating it at home, so I thought this year that I'd surprise you."

Cougar disguised the way his heart jumped in his chest by smirking up at the hacker. "That was yesterday."

The younger man's face fell and he squinted desperately at his watch. "Fuck! I lost a day somewhere. I'm sorry Cougs. I can't get anything right. I was trying to make tamales. And a piñata, from scratch. Both of them. But I was running short on time, because I apparently spent far too long scouring the internet for recipes and how to videos, and the connection is so _slow_ here and everything took forever to download. And things just didn't go well. As you can see."

Jensen stepped closer to the sniper, hunching over and dropping his head onto Cougar's shoulder as though he was looking for comfort. "I'm sorry Cougs, I think I should have slept before I started. Everything burnt, including the stupid piñata. I swear I didn't put it _that_ close to the stove."

The older man patted him cautiously on the shoulder with one hand, not quite sure what to do with the close proximity. It wasn't as though Jensen was particularly good with the concept of personal space, but just because it happened every so often didn't make it any easier for Cougar.

"Now all I have left is tequila and the candy that was supposed to be in the piñata." Jensen straightened up again, a manic grin spreading across his face, waggling his eyebrows. "We can just celebrate with that! To bastardise one of Pooch's quotes, there is little that can't be solved with the liberal application of tequila!"

Before Cougar could protest, Jensen had ducked past him into the kitchen, grabbed a shopping bag off the floor, and was back, ushering the sniper out of the doorway. He extracted a bottle of tequila from the bag, which he promptly thrust in Cougar's general direction; it was all the sniper could do to grab it before Jensen was grabbing the last few things and letting the bag fall to the ground. He surveyed the items in the hacker's hands, several bags of candy and a – Jensen shook out the item, fabric unfolding – a poncho. What?

Jensen glanced between the baffled expression on Cougar's face and the poncho several times. The former was a look that clearly said 'you've got to be fucking kidding me'; the latter was something he'd picked up in the novelty shop, it was gaudy and horrible, stripped in red, yellow green and white, with a parade of dancing cacti around the bottom. He glanced at the sniper again, screwed his nose up comically, and nodded.

"Yeah, you're right, it is definitely more me than you." With that he dragged the poncho on over his head with one hand, the other still clutching the candy.

"_Idiota_." Cougar muttered, annoyed that somehow Jensen even managed to look good in the ridiculous attire. He turned away, taking the tequila in the direction of the backyard.

"You love me, Cougs. Admit it, I make this look sexy!" Jensen chattered as he hurried along behind the sniper. "You can barely resist my animal magnetism."

There was no way that Cougar was ever going to admit that there was some truth in the tech's statement.

They ended up on the back porch, stretched out on lawn chairs, passing the bottle of tequila back and forth.

"I'm sorry that the tamales didn't work out." Jensen lamented, tossing another candy at the sniper, giggling when it bounced off his hat.

Cougar huffed, snatching the almost empty bottle of tequila that the hacker held out to him, taking a deep pull of the alcohol. "Stop apologising."

Jensen grinned at him, leaning over and reaching out for the bottle. Cougar smirked, taking another mouthful despite the hacker's whining protests. The younger man simply lent further over, which seemed like a good idea until he tumbled out of the chair, sprawling haphazardly across the porch.

"Ow! Cougs, kiss it better." Jensen whined, dragging himself up onto his knees, tilting his head and pointing to the back of his head that he'd hit on the ground.

The sniper merely swatted the back of his head, because it was easier than explaining why he was so tempted to comply. Jensen squawked, rubbing the back of his head as he slumped against the side of Cougar's chair, dropping his head into the sniper's lap, nose nuzzled into his stomach.

"Hello Cougar's ab muscles." He muttered, bringing a hand up to poke at the older man's stomach. "How are you today? Very nice if I may say so."

Cougar hissed at the contact, fully intending to push the younger man away, but Jensen had curled one hand around his waist, nuzzling closer; and most of the rational thoughts left the sniper's head. He gripped the tequila bottle tightly in one hand, the other seemed to move on its own accord, resting gently on the back of the blonde's head.

Jensen pressed back against his hand, practically purring as calloused fingertips scrubbed against his scalp. "Keep doing that, feels nice."

Before he had a chance, Jensen sat up again, peering at the sniper through smeared glasses. He seemed to be contemplating something, but completely ignored Cougar's questioning look, instead he pushed himself to his feet and swung one leg over the chair, sitting back on the sniper's thighs. Cougar stared, wide eyed, up at the smiling tech.

"Hi." Jensen whispered, leaning down closer.

Cougar swallowed hard, trying to regulate his breathing. "_Hola._"

The smile widened, the blonde leaning closer, only to snatch up the tequila bottle, draining the last of it in two mouthfuls. Letting the bottle drop to the wooden decking, the hacker flattened himself against Cougar's chest, nuzzling into his neck, lips ghosting across skin. The older man groaned, hands gripping Jensen's hips; he was half sure that at any minute the tech would realise what he was doing and move away.

Jensen didn't remove himself from the sniper's personal space, however. He sat back just enough to nudge the hat out of the way, and bumped his lips against Cougar's.

"I'm sufficiently drunk now Cougs, gonna take advantage of me or what?"


End file.
